corporate travel

Internal Group Meeting Travel Banned

Effective immediately, all Internal Group Meetings requiring travel greater than 10 miles are forbidden on account of corporate expense control. Lower cost alternatives should be reviewed including: telephone conferences of 20 minutes or less; voicemail or telepathy. The ONLY exception to this travel ban are group meetings limited to discussing controlling expenses..

Travel well this year. Click here to see The Sharper Image's travel products.

New Travel Option

It's probably been a while since you've taken a train on a business trip, but there is a new rail travel option that PH travelers should consider: freight trains. "Riding out" as hip young hobos call it, has become a trendy way to get from point "A" to point "B". Best of all, it's usually free and nothing can beat the magnificent scenery that is rarely seen by the traveling public.

Hopping a freight train is convenient with most freight and intermodal yards located in downtown business districts. It's best to pick an enclosed boxcar or container to ride in, though some "boes" say that a hopper loaded with 120 tons of coal or powdered sulfur gives the best overall ride quality.

Be sure your life insurance is up to date before you leave and do  be careful socializing on your trip. Although your instincts may be to strike up a friendly conversation with the other riders you meet, it's best to avoid eye contact with them. Just remember that, with the exception of your PH owned laptop, your life is more valuable than any of your personal property!

Be prepared for an adventure and "all aboard". 

New Travel Guidelines

Warning that the purchase of three new Gulfstream IV Private Jets to transport CEO Karla Fidiora, her clothes, shoes, bodyguards, publicists, exercise equipment, lap pool and husband on business trips may be giving employees the wrong ideas, corporate travel reiterated several newly adopted policies:

• Direct flights are no longer permitted (non-stop flights were barred last year). Corporate travel has reached an agreement with Mid-Iowa Airlines to use the Quad Cities International Airport in Dubuque as a hub for all cross country flights greater than 500 miles. In the majority of cases, this will not add more than two days of travel to any individual itinerary.
• PH travelers are expected to offer their meals on all flights to other passengers for a reasonable price, which must be collected and returned in your travel expense report.
• whenever possible, travelers who rent cars should use the vehicle to sleep in overnight. sleeping in PH office parking lots is not permitted, however corporate travel has reached an agreement with the east palo alto recycling authority for permission to allow employees to park their vehicles and sleep in them overnight while staying in the bay area. travelers who use taxicabs should make a reasonable attempt to see if they can sleep that night in the taxi.
• when booking travel using the new web based "EasyTrans" application, be sure to check off "Air Freight" as one of the options for "lowest cost transportation comparison".
• finally, CEO Karla Fidora reminds all employees to do as she does when entertaining customers: pretend you cannot find your credit card, or make up a story about "I forgot to submit my expenses and I think this card is suspended".

YOUR HEALTH

Health Warning for Employees Using Captivetta Expense System

PH's occupational health team has issued a warning that employees suffering from heart problems, high blood pressure and severe premenstrual syndrome should avoid the use of the Captivetta Expense System and use manual paper forms or spreadsheets for submitting expenses. "Regrettably, we have had several instances of employees suffering fatal heart attacks, unexpected strokes and flying into a destructive, violent rage when using the new system" said a spokesperson. This echoes a similar warning issued regarding PH's SLOWORDER electronic purchase order system last year. SLOWORDER is currently being reviewed following a study that showed that while the program saved some $40,000 by directing buyers to less expensive office products, its users caused some $3,000,000 in damage to monitors thrown out of windows or smashed with keyboards.

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