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Fidora Tapped to Lead Amtrak


Friday February 17, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC - The former Chairman and CEO of the recently renamed Kumquat Corporation has been hired as President and CEO of Amtrak, the nation's long distance passenger rail operator. In a statement, Norman Minetta, Secretary of Transportation said, "as part of our overall plan to run the money losing rail passenger service completely into the ground, we cannot think of a more suitable leader than Ms. Fidora."

Karla Fidora to Lead Amtrak
Fidora in Baltimore with one of Amtrak's newest
 "train thingies"

Fidora, who was often criticized for taking the lead of Kumquat with no previous experience in the computer industry attempted to deflect any concerns about assuming the helm of a railroad. "I am looking forward to my new role at Amtrak, and one of the first things I plan to do is tour the system and meet the pilots, flight attendants and mechanics"  Fidora said she had a chance to spend several hours reviewing Amtrak's books over the past week and said, "I have a lot of concern about the asset portfolio which for some reason seems to be overloaded with track, locomotives and passenger cars.".

Fidora gave a few hints of her plans for the ailing railroad. She said all options were on the table and that one possibility would be to outsource most of the system to lower labor cost countries.  "We have to look at the impact on short term revenues and customer satisfaction, if for example, we were to move a significant portion of the operation to China or Russia."

Passenger convenience would will be a major part of her revitalization plan. "I don't see what's stopping us from having the trains arrive and depart from convenient and brightly lit airports instead of dingy downtown train stations.  I'd also like to see us put amenities on board like cable television"

A strategic merger may also be in the future for Amtrak, with Fidora looking to add scale to the system. Possible merger candidates include various stagecoach and Mississippi River ferryboat operators.

The Bush Administration has targeted a complete collapse of Amtrak within the next 12 months. "With an executive of Fidora's caliber on board, I see no reason why that schedule can't be significantly accelerated" said a White House spokesperson. 

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