Home

News

Employee Relations

Travel

Company Store

About the Site

Message from Thor about the Year End Report

Kumquat's Senior Leaderhip Team Poses Outside Corporate Headquarters

You're all probably wondering, as we reach the end of this fiscal quarter one thing? How does Thor keep looking so good? Let me give you all my secret. Every morning I "take sauna" - essentially I boil myself just to the point of permanent brain damage - and then jump into an ice cold lake until I feel the effects of hypothermia starting. I highly recommend it to you too, and I will be putting the senior leadership of this company to this test on a daily basis. Our results this quarter will be reported using the accounting method the financial experts call "GATT". This was explained to me as a sneaky way for us to put any numbers here we want.

Our gross revenues for 2004 were a record $127.4 billion. After tax rebates, currency conversions, carry forward deductions from operational streamlining in Portugal, declaring disk space as real estate, reincorporating in the Cayman Islands, subtracting out inventory losses and depreciating dry ink, our net profit for the year was $32.15.  Of great concern to me is that 99% of our profit margin came from the sale of mousepads.

What does this mean? Well, for one thing, it means we need to put a LOT more thought into improving the manufacturing efficiency of our mousepad division.

Clearly we cannot rest on our laurels. For one thing, the Krell Computer Company has announced it's intention to offer its own line of mousepads. Diversification is the key and in a brain storming session with senior leadership we have considered really new  ideas such as cute little covers to put over your mouse as well as a line of chocolate coated kumquat candies. There's even the radical thought of putting more focus into the computers themselves and less into the mousepads and accessories. I need to give that one more thought.

It would be very easy for me to simply lay the blame for this performance on the previous CEO. So that is exactly what I will do, and I encourage you to do it too. There is nothing so helpful as having someone to blame for your problems.

Eventually, though we will need to find someone else to blame.
 

Notice:  All names of companies and/or people used in this website are purely fictional.  This site is not endorsed by any company.  Use of this site means you accept our Terms of Service  Copyright (C) 2002-2005 Round Mountain Group LLC. All rights reserved. Unfortunately, due to copyright issues, we cannot accept any contributed ideas or material for our sites. 

Return to Home Page