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Corporate News Archive
Kumquat Laboratories has announced a major reorganization, effective immediately. The labs will now be split into two organizations, one focused on advanced ink technologies and the other concentrating on cool gadgets that attract lots of press attention but will never actually go into production. Along with the announcement, the labs took the occasion to unveil to the press the "Jabber". It's a 3" long, palm sized device that packs the power of a supercomputer. What makes the Jabber so interesting is that its user interface consists of one LED and one pushbutton. Kumquat Labs scientists envision the day when the Jabber could be used in applications as diverse as deep space infrastructure repair, ocean floor mapping and biodiversity studies. Currently the Jabber is being demoed as an advanced, four function egg timer. See This Month in Kumquat History for More from the Labs
Homeland Security Division PH CEO Karla Fidora told a group of analysts last week "now is the time to decisively move forward and honor the heroes of the War on Terror by forming our own Homeland Security Division and tap into the reckless federal spending and general paranoia that remains in the market place today". The new division will include a variety of
existing PH business units such as Invisible Ink Operations in Helena, MT.
The new division will fund development of advanced new products and
technologies including the color printing group's life sized cardboard
cutout National Guardsman (with or with out M16) that are being
installed at airport security checkpoints around the country. The division
also will begin development of consumer products, such as laser printer
compatible duct tape. PH Launches New $400M Brand Awareness Campaign PH proudly launched it's latest global brand awareness campaign last week. Over the past 12 months, a team of brand management and advertising experts exhaustively studied public and customer reaction to the PH brand. Thanks to our very successful "INVERT" campaign and our landmark merger with Quompak Computer, we managed to shift public perception of PH from a supplier of high quality, overpriced enterprise computing products to the leader in providing run of the mill, overpriced personal computers. We needed to take this perception to the next level, and after numerous market trials and focus groups, we developed a new brand identifier: "Anything is Possible". The new campaign will show how PH customers, such as Enron Corporation, Amtrak and Worldcomm, are using PH technology to transform their businesses. In addition, the campaign will highlight earth shattering new technologies with broad impact for mankind and how PH is playing a small and sometimes convoluted role in them. For example, one television ad will show how insect watchers in Iceland are using mobile phones to track elusive Arctic Snow Cockroaches across the tundra. Read update on the brand program!
Ink Refill Kits: Let's do something about them! Your customers, friends and relatives may have seen ads for them on late night TV. They may have received spam mail messages making the familiar claims. They may even have tried an ink jet refill kit offering "quality printing at a fraction of the cost of genuine PH cartridges". We beg to differ:
Legislative action is the only solution this
dangerous, looming problem. Our Washington Public Affairs office has of
course proposed HR293 which makes interstate transportation of ink refill
kits a federal offense punishable by the death penalty. PH employees,
retirees and customers should write to their legislators today and insure
that America's future is not blotted away. Mehesh Rigosh Spills the Ink on Future Printer Strategy PH Ink Products Group President Mehesh Rigosh met with industry analysts this week in New York to discuss PH's strategies to keep its "cash cow" ink business profitable. here is some of what Mehesh shared: Evaporative Technologies: PH Labs is working on a new class of inks which evaporate before the cartridge is used. Since ink cartridges cannot be returned (thanks to PH's successful effort to make it a felony to return an ink cartridge to a retail store in 49 states) we believe this new approach will add significantly to PH's bottom line. Ergonomic Factors: PH's ergonomics team has discovered that many humans prefer reading light colored lettering on a dark background. PH is modifying all of its printer drivers to set the default print mode for all ink jet and laser devices to "inverted" print mode, which prints easy to read jet black pages all the time. Consumers who prefer dark ink on white paper can follow a simple set of 400 instructions in (currently available in Hungarian and Japanese) to override the new printer settings. Self Service Supplies: New web based technologies allow the latest generation of PH printers to request a credit card number during installation and set-up. The devices can then "help themselves" by automatically and randomly purchasing inordinately large supplies of ink, toner and other expendables from PHshopping.com at full retail price. Partnerships/Joint Ventures: PH is investigating a variety of potential partnerships to extend and leverage our leadership in ink and cartridge technologies. These include potential direct investments in the pen and rubber stamp industry, as well as a review of allied technologies such as pencils.
News from Comdex PH was the star of this year's Comdex show in Las Vegas! With a widely publicized keynote address by PH CEO Karla Fidora, and the launch of several significant new products, PH and Fidora were on the tip of everyone's tongue at this year's show. the PH 8800 printer/burster/stacker/ binder/shredder, the first integrated "five in one" device from PH was unveiled at the show. the 8800 can print and then instantly shred over 1000 pages per minute with breathtaking full color graphics. this device is a boon to corporations around America who have to print millions of pages of SEC reporting documents, but don't want copies actually lying around for overzealous employees or federal agents to find. What's especially unique about this product is that it's an outgrowth of a "sharing best practices" program developed within PH's own accounting department after the company began shredding tens of millions of our own financial documents at the end of each reporting period. the PH 8800 ships immediately, with its special driver software expected to ship in late 2010. the new iPOK PDA high security edition. Everyone these days is thinking about security. After PH engineers investigated available, off the shelf technologies such as retina and fingerprint scanning, they dismissed them as "not inverted here" - and began a five year, $400M project to find something better. The fruits of those labors were shown at Comdex: lip recognition. A user needs only to lift his or her iPOK to their mouth and give it a big, wet kiss - advanced saliva molecular matching and optical lip recognition software does the rest. PH CEO Karla Fidora demonstrated the new iPOK several times during her landmark keynote speech. She then asked the audience to take her dripping wet iPOK and give it a try, though oddly there were no volunteers. additions to the company's popular lineup of consumer oriented value added printer supplies and paper were shown off to the crowds at Comdex. Among the most popular new products were the Laser Printer Bathroom Tissue Creativity Pak, Fingerprint Free Ink Jet Ransom and Holdup Notes and for kids 4-8 the "Learn-Along" Hamster Cage Liner Fun Kit with Free Stickers and "PersonalPocket (tm) Handheld Shredder". Fidora, Gates Ink "Special Partner" Pact at Comdex PH CEO Karla Fidora and Microsoft's Chief Software Architect and CEO Emeritus Bill Gates met at Comdex to discuss the brand new PH/Microsoft "special partners" alliance. Fidora characterized the meeting as "focused on big ideas, big things and the big picture. Bill also managed to get my outlook mail password problem fixed." Gates said that PH and Microsoft were "a really perfect combination" - much, much more so than previous "special partners" Dell, Compaq, Digital, IBM, Gateway, Unisys, AT&T, Hitachi and Wang. As part of the new agreement, PH engineering and marketing will take product roadmap direction from their counterparts at Microsoft in Redmond, WA starting next week. In return, Microsoft will receive hefty discounts on ink cartridges, pens, paper and new PH's "invert" mousepads.
Liverwurst Outlines Latest PH Consulting - long known for being the world's most expensive and most risk adverse consulting organization is about to change all of that. According to services group president Mary-Ann Liverwurst, PH consulting is now on a mission, and that mission is to become the world's cheapest and most risk adverse consulting organization. Liverwurst explains "A PH consultant drives up to a customer in their fancy Ford Taurus toting a three year old laptop computer - what impression do you think that gives potential customers? It gives them the impression that there's no way they'll be able to afford this person". Liverwurst's strategy is to eliminate the 500 remaining non-management positions in PH consulting and replace these workers with low cost employees in India and China. PH's remaining 11,000 US based consulting managers will then broker the services of the 500 remote workers using a new application developed in house by PH consulting which is expected to be unveiled in 2007. Liverwurst added that under the new organizational structure, all 500 offshore employees will report to a single manager. This will allow PH consulting managers in the US to "concentrate on attending more meetings with each other".
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